Wednesday, March 15, 2017

Random Thoughts (After Dark)

So I figured that, since my blog is called "Random Thoughts After Dark," that I should actually share with you some of the random thoughts I do have. Some of these have (literally) occurred after dark (as in, at night), but others are simply.. random. Be prepared - when I say "random," I mean RANDOM... you'll see...

1. (While watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer, season 6, episode 1) Are those demon bikers or biker demons? In theory the adjective describes the noun. So if they are demon bikers, they are bikers that are also demons, but if they are biker demons they are demons that are bikers. So which is right? (I actually asked my fiancé this and he looked at me like I was crazy.)

2. (When my pit bull, Penelope, looks out into the woods across from our complex, or out into the night from our condo) Does she see dead people? Wait, this town isn't old enough for there to be dead people (it was a big farming town for a long time)... Does she see dead cows? Can you imagine cow ghosts (or, going back to #1, would they be ghost cows)? They'd be all, "moooo-oooo-oooo..."

Penelope checking for ghosts

3. (Speaking of Penelope, she does this thing when we come back inside from taking her to "do her business" where she runs from one end of our condo to the other.) What the hell is she doing? A perimeter check? Looking for those ghost cows? Getting out excess energy? Terrorizing our cat, Grayson, for no reason? Or is it something else entirely?

4. There is this one dog in our complex that Penelope HATES with a burning passion, an Australian cattle dog. WHY? We have a lot of other dogs that live around us and, for the most part, when Penelope gets riled up when she sees one, I think it's just because she's either curious or wants to play. But when this Cattle dog is anywhere in her line of vision, she goes into defensive mode immediately: fur standing straight up, alpha dog posture, ears perked - the whole nine yards. It seems to be all herding dogs, too - she acts the same way when we come across a Collie or sheepdog. Makes me wonder if they were like lovers in a previous life, and he screwed her over. I don't know what her problem is, but I have come to the conclusion that she is a dogist (a dog racist).

5. This goes for both of my pets - when they sleep, what do they dream about? Penelope is ALWAYS barking and moving around in her sleep, and Grayson does it occasionally as well (he'll be in my lap and I'll feel his paws moving). I guess maybe Penelope might think she's chasing cats or squirrels (or fighting with that damn cattle dog), but Grayson is an indoor cat, and the only thing he ever sees are the birds outside on our bird feeder. Is he dreaming of chasing those damn birds, or is he chasing Penelope, or what? And speaking of the birds...

6. I don't know if anybody else's cat does this, but when there are birds on our balcony or bird feeder, Grayson will sit and "chirp" at them (that's really the only way I know how to word it) and I have to wonder, WHAT THE HELL IS HE DOING? Does he think he's talking to them? Or is he trying to imitate them, hoping they're REALLY stupid and will mistake him for a weird, furry bird?

7. Sometimes I wonder if the reason I end up getting so much work put on me is because I'm a woman. I hate to say that, but my company is run by men, and I swear most of the other guys in this company (who get paid WAY more than me, mind you) don't do half the amount of work that I do. Sure, when they do work they might have big projects or tasks, but if you break down my average daily workload, and then theirs, there's just no comparison. Also I can't help but feel like it's partly because I look younger than I am. I'm about to turn 34 next month, but you probably wouldn't know it by looking at me (not bragging, just something I've been told OVER and OVER - almost to the point where it gets annoying). Getting back to the original point though, it just gets really annoying when I'm busting my ass and I go into one of my co-workers' (or boss', for that matter) offices to ask a question, and (s)he's sitting in there doing NOTHING. (That turned into a bit of a rant, sorry!)

8. WHY AM I SO SORE WHEN I WAKE UP IN THE MORNINGS??? It doesn't matter if I sleep 3 hours or 8, every single freaking morning, I feel like I've been repeatedly run over by an 18-wheeler. This didn't use to happen! It only started within the past few years (since I turned 30 to be precise), and I hate it. It happens to my fiancé as well... we've been trying to find the perfect mattress/topper combo for over a year now and it's been so stressful. Anybody else have these problems? Also, along the same lines,...

9. WHY AM I SO FREAKING TIRED AFTER WORK??? I have had MANY jobs over the years - waiting tables at both fine dining and casual restaurants, working in every type of office imaginable (law firms, real estate, accounting offices) and done warehouse work as well, and I've NEVER been as exhausted as I am after working my current job. I don't know if it's the stress, amount of different tasks I do on a daily basis, or my increasing age (God forbid), but I get home and I'm just DEAD. I just sit on the couch (or on the bed) and zone out in front of the TV. I have to assume it's because my brain is constantly going a million miles a minute, and when they say that mental work is more draining than physical work, they're not wrong!!!

10. (When someone says something to me that I WISH I had the perfect comeback for.) Err,.. Umm... GODDAMMIT I know that I will think of the coolest thing to say at like 11:30 tonight bur right now my mind is blank. I am forever coming up with witty responses to shit people say to me hours too late. I know I'm not the only one (as a matter of fact, I just read an article written by some dude specifically about this phenomenon), but it's so frustrating, especially when someone who has NO IDEA WHAT THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT pulls some crap out of their ass, and I know what I want to say but not the right way to say it.

11. Wanted to end on a high note so - why and how are the sunrises and sunsets SO AMAZING here? I used to live by the beach, where you would think had the most gorgeous sunrises at least, but, nope - I've found the most perfect ones here in Mooresville. Here are just a few examples I've captured over the last year (top two are sunrises - bottom two are sunsets) NO FILTERS WERE USED AT ALL IN THE TAKING OF THESE PHOTOS - keep in mind these hardly do justice to the real thing:

Look at those colors!

I've been working on this post for almost 5 days now so I'm just gonna stop and click "publish" or else this list will go on forever. I'm sure I'll have follow-up lists in the future, this is the first of many. If anyone has any similar thoughts or feelings, please share! Hope everyone has a Happy Hump Day!

Friday, March 10, 2017

I don't have ADHD... or do I? Look at that bird! I'm hungry. I need to make a to-do list for tomorrow. I LOVE these shoes. Oooh, Empire is on! Wait, what were we talking about again?

Happy Friday! I know my last post was sort of random, so thought I'd dive right in today...

I was diagnosed with ADHD, or attention deficit disorder, about five years ago, 

There are 9 or 10 symptoms that typically categorize ADHD, and at least six must apply. You can find tons of different variations of lists of these symptoms online, but this is what webmd has:

1. Trouble getting organized.

2. Reckless driving and traffic accidents.

3. Marital trouble.

4. Extremely distractable.

5. Poor listening skills.

6. Restlessness, trouble relaxing.

7. Trouble starting a task.

8. Lateness.

9. Angry outbursts.

10. Prioritizing issues.

I clearly remember sitting in the doctor's office as he read these symptoms out, and immediately thinking:

(Thomas Robinson in The Switch)

Basically the only ones I don't have are the angry outbursts and lateness. I'm both calm and punctual (at least 90% of the time), and I pride myself on those qualities. Otherwise, the disorganization, reckless driving, easily distracted, restlessness... me to a T. By the time I was 25 (around the time I got diagnosed) I had had more accidents than I could count. I always have to be doing multiple things at once (watching TV while coloring or playing on the tablet). I am a very organized person in certain situations but I have trouble prioritizing my tasks (hence my hundred to-do lists). I am a HUGE procrastinator. I've switched jobs nearly every year. I am extremely restless - one of the things my fiancé constantly gets on me about. So when my doctor officially diagnosed me, it all made sense. 

My mother is a nurse, and she's known me all my life (obviously), yet when I told her what my doctor had said she immediately went on the defensive, asking who my doctor was, where she had gone to school (basically checking her credentials) - the works. I didn't understand why she was so against this idea that I had ADHD, especially when it made perfect sense to me. She must just like thinking that her daughter is perfectly normal... even when all the signs were there. I know there used to be a stigma surrounding ADHD (anybody remember that episode of The Sopranos when they diagnosed AJ with ADHD, and Carmela and Tony freaked out?), but nowadays it's not nearly as big of a deal. Everybody and their mother who can't sit still for more than 5 minutes has ADHD.

Perhaps what my mom was most concerned about was the double diagnosis of ADHD and bipolar disorder. As you may or may not know, these two illnesses tend to have some cross-pollination, and can be difficult to tell apart. I have Bipolar II, which is similar to Bipolar I, characterized by moods ranging from high to low. The only difference is that in Bipolar II, the "up" periods never reach full-blown mania, as in bipolar I (in bipolar II these are called hypomanic episodes). Again, when I learned of this diagnosis, it made so much sense, particularly the hypomania. The exaggerated self-confidence, increased energy (and therefore decreased need for sleep), rapidly switching from one idea to the next - all things I was guilty of doing or having. 

Webmd also says that hypomania can lead to "erratic and unhealthy behavior", particularly spending money excessively, engaging in sexual acts with people they normally wouldn't, and participating in other "impulsive or risky behaviors with the potential for dangerous consequences." Um, hello? I used to be a compulsive shopaholic who was also a borderline nymphomaniac. As Buffy once said, "Add it up and it all spells duh." 

Obviously, I've not let any of this hold me back. Yes, I still occasionally go through periods where I can't stop moving, or spending money, and then I'll just want to crawl into my bed and stay there for days. (Granted, I attribute a lot of those to my job, as it is VERY stressful, but the bipolar probably doesn't help.) But I  still come to work every day, kick ass at my job, and live my life to the fullest, with my fiancé and our "fur-children" by my side. In the end, our little illnesses and quirks are what make us, well, US, right?

Remember that, friends :) Have a great weekend!

Wednesday, March 8, 2017

Who run the World? GIRLS.

Happy International Women's Day!!

(I jokingly told my fiancé this morning that he has even more reason to celebrate it, because he's engaged to an "international woman"... he didn't find it amusing, but I thought it was hilarious. And accurate.)

I didn't know much about this day until this recently (I know, that sounds terrible, especially being a proud, successful woman myself), but after reading a little bit about the meaning and history behind it, it makes me even prouder to be a woman. We just rock, for a variety of reasons, one of them being that, despite all the men in the world trying to keep us down, we still pull together and triumph, in one way or another.

Like for me, here at work - I'm usually the only female in the meetings with all the higher-ups, and they look to me for the most answers and solutions (yet they also always pile the most work on me, but that's a whole other topic). I know I've paid my dues with the grunt work (still do, most of the time) but it makes me feel good to know that they at least trust me enough to come to me with questions and problems, and they know that, even if I don't know the answer, I'll come up with one. And I KILL IT. It's a far cry from the "Mad Men" era, when all the women were secretaries (except for Peggy, of course) that were sexually harassed on a daily basis. SO glad I live and work in these times - I would probably get fired for punching my boss the second he smacked me on the ass.

But I digress.

In honor of IWD, I wanted to make a short list of 5 reasons why women rock (these are all personal opinions, of course, so don't judge me TOO much):

1. WE GIVE LIFE. Yes, I know that men, uhm, participate in the procreation process, but are they the ones who carry the baby for 9 months, and then push it out of their hoo-has? NOPE. 85% of men complain when they have to push out too large of a bowl movement; do you think they could push out an 8 pound baby?? (Sorry if that got too graphic, it's just a fact. Maybe not the statistic I gave, but you get the picture.)

2. We can compartmentalize, multi-task, and prioritize better. I have a (male) friend who recently told me he sets separate alarms for EVERYTHING - when he has to get up, when he has to get in the shower, when he has to leave his house, when he has to clock in at work... that just sounds exhausting! I have one alarm for when I have to get up, which I normally do without even hitting the snooze, and then I just start my day. And I know we are better multi-taskers because I can talk on the phone, pull reports, receive inventory, listen to music and send emails at the same time. AND CRUSH THEM ALL. This also proves the saying that "Behind every great man is an even greater woman."

3.  We are more open and secure with sharing our emotions. For the most part, we are taught at a young age to show emotions, while men are taught that it's not "manly" to show affection or share feelings. We can also hug or hold hands with other women without feeling insecure, which is awesome, because who doesn't love a good hug or hand-hold?

4. Some of the funniest, most awesome and inspirational people during this time are women. Not that there aren't some amazing men out there, but just think about it. Tina Fey. Amy Pohler, Taraji P. Henson (and her alias, Cookie Lyon). Rosa Parks. Mindy Kaling. Mother Theresa. Lady Gaga. Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Jenny Lawson. Need I say more?

5. We can choose to wear jeans and a sweatshirt, or dresses and stillettos, and we look fantastic either way :) (Had to throw one in there for fun, but that doesn't make it any less valid.)

Once again, these are just my opinions (with a little assistance from a friend, thanks Em!). Men have their good qualities as well, of course, but you guys get the rest of the year to showcase and brag about those - let us have our day!


Hi, my name is Katie, and I'm a writeaholic.

OK, so Google is saying that writeaholic is not a word, but if Shakespeare can coin all these awesome words, I should be able to as well, right?

Basically what I'm trying to say is that I LOVE writing. Always have, ever since I was a little girl, scribbling furiously in my Little Mermaid diary. Back then (in the 80s) there wasn't a cool way to share all of these thoughts with anyone - blogs, Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram hadn't been invented yet (shit, you were doing pretty well to have your own computer). Since then I've not only had more amazing & profound thoughts, but I've had SO much happen (more than enough for 5 lifetimes, in my opinion), and I thought perhaps others could benefit from some of my experiences, musings and observations. Besides, as Kafka once said (at some point):

And I don't want to court insanity, nor do I want anybody courting ME with insanity, so here goes. :)

This will be an amalgamation of my experiences, lessons, thoughts, feelings, and probably more, that I've gained, gleaned or garnered throughout my (almost 34) years on this Earth. They will be in no particular order, just as they come to me. I will try to use proper grammar but if I feel something can be said more eloquently with slang or curse words, I will, so if you are faint of heart, BEWARE! I will talk about everything from my favorite things in life, to my struggles with addiction, to my feelings on being adopted, to how I knew I had ADHD (and how odd it was when my mother denied it, even though I exhibited, like, ALL of the signs), to my promiscuity when I was younger, and how it was a result of my father being an occasional piece of of shit. There will likely be run-on sentences, streams of consciousness, and other things that aren't typically used in REAL blogs or essays. But it'll be ME. 

I'm certainly gonna try. ;) Enjoy the ride.